For me the awareness of a psi event happens when a focused thought enters my mind that does not fit the flow and pattern of what I had been thinking about.  People refer to the ‘stream’ of consciousness, which can provide a helpful metaphor.  As my internal ruminations drift along gradually flowing from one topic to another by association, at times something else will intrude.  The new thought does not fit the flow and usually has a more defined substance than the usual aside thoughts.  To me, it seems like an outside thought, but some have proposed that it is a deeper part of the self getting attention.  Regardless of the source, it feels like a rock has fallen into the stream and created ripples that disrupt the smooth flow.  A big event creates a big splash of awareness and completely displaces my prior thought process.  A minor event barely is noticeable.  After a long process of trying to ignore these irritating interruptions, I have learned that they are warnings I should pay attention to.

I have sometimes described the minor warnings as a feeling of ‘uh-oh’ when I do something that will soon create a problem.  Being stubborn by nature, when I first became aware of the distinct sense of warning,  I felt that I was being micro-managed or supervised by something.  I did not like the idea of having something looking over my shoulder uninvited and telling me what not to do.  I have issues with authority and being directed by anyone or anything.  To me it seemed my independence of will was being impinged.  I am not implying that there is a separate entity behind the warnings, only that they have a feel of otherness, rather than me-ness to them.  So for a couple of years, I would argue with the gist of the warnings and go out of my way to not respond.  My contrary Scottish heritage must be to blame.  But time after time, as I tried to convince myself that the warning was silly and made no sense, it would in fact be valid.  Finally, a warning came that could have been a matter of life and death, unfortunately I did not listen and could not have prevented the event, even if I had.  I will tell that story in my next post.

Oddly enough, most of the warnings are so minor as to be more irritating than useful.  For example, not long ago I was getting out of the car in my garage with a half full soda.  I got an ‘uh-oh’ thought that I would spill it.  So I decided to put the can down on the garage floor where it would be out of the way, while I got the rest of my stuff out of the car.  As I moved around the car, I bumped into something that rolled across the floor.  You guessed it.  Right into the can and it tipped over.  Arrrrgggghhhhhh! to quote Charlie Brown.  What is the point!  I can’t even begin to express how distracting, frustrating and useless it is to feel that sense of ‘uh-oh’ and then have to try and avoid something when I don’t know exactly what it is I am trying to avoid.  Not to mention, who the heck cares if I spill soda on the floor of my garage.  Surely, this is not the work of some supreme being or paranormal entity.  If so, I have had the extreme misfortune of being ‘protected’ by the most nit-picky, OCD, over-eager guardian that ever existed.  If there are non-human guides and guardians, don’t they have more important work to do?